#173 Long Days at Church
11:44 AM
This is kind of a jumble of thoughts...
Some days its from sun up to sun down. I don't know what it is lately, but the fact that there is a "busy-ness" in church is quite bothersome to me. I'm afraid it's more of a mental change that needs to occur, or more importantly a heart change.
Days like today aren't too tough, but looking ahead in the next few days I'm overwhelmed. Remember me saying that I really need time alone and time to recharge? I hate having to plan for this time. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel lazy. It makes me feel selfish.
Thursday night at church, I was looking forward to going, for the first time in a while. A lot of the "burdens" of that night have been alleviated for a while now, and I'm slowly coming to terms with our small groups: having to lead, having to ask people to pray, and having to "organize" how we do it.
I mean I used to stress over leading 3-5 year olds in Mission Friends on Sunday nights, so leading college age people--way worse. I'm not a large group leader. I'm just not. Helping to facilitate, now that's my thing.
So while I know that there are times that God pushes me outside of my comfort zone and/or the fact things may be a lot to handle at times... Its this overwhelming anxiety cloud that looms instead of just feeling like its a difficult time or busy time. So I turn back to wondering if it's really something God would have me do (like am I ignoring his beckoning) or am I not where God would have me?
I'm not doing such a great job of explaining it....
Anyways, one thing I did know about today was that I was getting this feeling from the Lord that I needed to mention my desire to have our group involved in Human Trafficking and helping to abolish it. While I dreaded it, while my voice trembled, I was able to share my heart. It's tough feeling like people may not see what you see in something, and having them reject it. But because the Lord is good, everything went well. I was obedient. I got the green light I needed to proceed. So here's to the next step!
But back to the overwhelming feeling. So today was busy. It was a great busy. I really wasn't desiring to have to leave our leadership meeting. We did leave a little earlier than we would have normally, but it still meant we didn't get home till about 8 pm (when we left at 8 am). It was a good day.
Although that coupled with the next couple of days, I'm getting that overwhelming feeling.
So I'm thankful for a husband that while he may not really understand, he tries to understand. Tomorrow I'm headed for Zumba, but instead of ending that night with an evening at Steve's, I'll go home. I'll rest. Then Tuesday, Stephen will be MIA with guys Bible study and I out with my mom, so that I can rest on Wednesday.
It's a balance. It's a weird delicate balance. It's something I still haven't quite learned yet.
It's something I need prayer for, because I feel like this is all me instead of God. I'm afraid I am being weak, or selfish, or lazy. I either don't want to be, or I want to stop feeling that way.
Some days its from sun up to sun down. I don't know what it is lately, but the fact that there is a "busy-ness" in church is quite bothersome to me. I'm afraid it's more of a mental change that needs to occur, or more importantly a heart change.
Days like today aren't too tough, but looking ahead in the next few days I'm overwhelmed. Remember me saying that I really need time alone and time to recharge? I hate having to plan for this time. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel lazy. It makes me feel selfish.
Thursday night at church, I was looking forward to going, for the first time in a while. A lot of the "burdens" of that night have been alleviated for a while now, and I'm slowly coming to terms with our small groups: having to lead, having to ask people to pray, and having to "organize" how we do it.
I mean I used to stress over leading 3-5 year olds in Mission Friends on Sunday nights, so leading college age people--way worse. I'm not a large group leader. I'm just not. Helping to facilitate, now that's my thing.
So while I know that there are times that God pushes me outside of my comfort zone and/or the fact things may be a lot to handle at times... Its this overwhelming anxiety cloud that looms instead of just feeling like its a difficult time or busy time. So I turn back to wondering if it's really something God would have me do (like am I ignoring his beckoning) or am I not where God would have me?
I'm not doing such a great job of explaining it....
Anyways, one thing I did know about today was that I was getting this feeling from the Lord that I needed to mention my desire to have our group involved in Human Trafficking and helping to abolish it. While I dreaded it, while my voice trembled, I was able to share my heart. It's tough feeling like people may not see what you see in something, and having them reject it. But because the Lord is good, everything went well. I was obedient. I got the green light I needed to proceed. So here's to the next step!
But back to the overwhelming feeling. So today was busy. It was a great busy. I really wasn't desiring to have to leave our leadership meeting. We did leave a little earlier than we would have normally, but it still meant we didn't get home till about 8 pm (when we left at 8 am). It was a good day.
Although that coupled with the next couple of days, I'm getting that overwhelming feeling.
So I'm thankful for a husband that while he may not really understand, he tries to understand. Tomorrow I'm headed for Zumba, but instead of ending that night with an evening at Steve's, I'll go home. I'll rest. Then Tuesday, Stephen will be MIA with guys Bible study and I out with my mom, so that I can rest on Wednesday.
It's a balance. It's a weird delicate balance. It's something I still haven't quite learned yet.
It's something I need prayer for, because I feel like this is all me instead of God. I'm afraid I am being weak, or selfish, or lazy. I either don't want to be, or I want to stop feeling that way.
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