#187 May God Use Me

6:37 AM

Sometimes All the time, I feel insignificant. My self worth isn't always rooted in the one place it should be, and so I come away feeling defeated and useless a lot of times.

But I'm reminded over and over again that God uses the useless. He uses the insignificant. He strengthens the weak. He lifts us up on his wings. He does things for his glory, and magnifies himself through our weaknesses. Are you getting why 2 Corinthians 12:9 is my favorite verse--my life verse?!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So in some moments, when I'm feeling that intense self doubt, I just pray that this be one of those times. God use this moment. Shut my mouth, and let you do the talking. Sometimes I feel like I still get in the way, but I hope and pray somehow God can use the words I say or things I do to glorify him regardless. 

So tonight both Lisa and Lydia asked to speak with me. This isn't abnormal, but it's unusual as most of the time they just come and talk to me. Instead tonight they both explicitly stated that they "need to talk to me". You know the difference. 

Oh self doubt kicked into high gear. 

What can I say? What can I do? 

And while I feel the talk was beneficial, my self doubt still kicks in now thinking, "there is no way God used that", "that was all you, not Him". But I know deep down, that while the fruit may not display itself now, somehow God can use those conversations to his benefit. 

My heart was right. My intentions pure. I just hope I can keep choosing to say "yes" to God in these moments instead of turning away. Prying and hoping that God can use my shortcomings and weaknesses, even if I can't see how.

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