#240 Grace
5:58 PM
Today was one filled with a bit of anxiety. No matter how hard I try, my fear of speaking in front of people always seems to win out. Even though, after every time I finish, I feel good. I feel accomplished. Even in the midst of speaking, I can feel in that moment, "This isn't as bad as I thought. Actually it's going pretty well." Nonetheless my fear wins out prior to me speaking. Every. Time.
So I'd told Daniel Atkins a couple days ago that I was willing to give a testimony of something God has recently taught me in my life, or my testimony of salvation during our Thursday night Worship Service. Mainly because while my fear was winning, I knew God could still be desiring me to step up and have courage in this moment. So I told Daniel I'd pray about it. I did as soon as I told him that. Then I asked what would it be that God would have me share that he's taught me recently.
And the words poured out of me so quickly. Before I knew it I'd written two pages on the verse 2 Corinthians 12:9.
This verse has become my life verse.
When I was a kid it was a verse I learned in Bible Drill. Is that just a Southern Baptist thing? You have to memorize scripture, references, and books of the Bible, and find them all in 10 seconds or less. This was a verse I had to memorize. When I was a kid though, it didn't make a whole lot of sense. Probably due to the fact we learned everything in KJV, and it's a bunch of large words no kid really understands.
But later on, about the time Unleashed began at Oakwood, this verse began to stand out to me again. In fact during my new hire interview at WMU (where I currently work) to introduce me to our SC churches, I mentioned it was my favorite verse. Since then it keeps just finding it's way into my life. But instead of something I've felt like I've embodied, it's almost been this challenge from God.
Including finding it on this sticker from one of my favorite little shops on Instagram, and of course I bought myself one. But I treasure it so much, I can't figure out where to stick it. It's a $1 sticker. I need to get over myself.
Where I'd failed to embody this verse was in the "boasting in my weaknesses". Not just any weakness, but the ones where God filled in the gaps. The one where His grace was sufficient. Instead, I've lived behind this mask of perfection. I don't remember putting it on intentionally, but I realized I've been wearing it for a long time when a few months ago a friend said, "you just always seem like you have it together." Uh no.
A few months later, I realized that mask was still on when we had a room full of people share the things God had helped them overcome one night at Unleashed. My pride was winning and I couldn't dare speak the awful things I'd done--even if God had released me from them.
So this was my moment. My moment to boast. God has pulled me out of an addiction to pornography, for almost half my life, and given me the strength where I have none. The times I'd tried to fix this, and rely on my own strength, I failed. I failed miserably. God had pulled me out of this once before, but I became prideful and sinful, and all those desires and addictions came back stronger.
This time, God prompted the heart of a coworker/friend, who challenged me to let God step in. While she gave me some tangible things to do to try and prevent myself from sinning, it gave me the space, the breathing room, I needed to let God step in and begin doing a work in me. I was able to come clean about this with friends and family. When I faced temptation, God gave me clear ways out. I just had to choose His way and not mine.
Just like Paul in that passage still has his thorn, I still have mine. It's still a big temptation. It's just that it seems to have gotten easier and easier to deal with the more I let God be my strength in those moments. When I allow his grace to cover this situation, and his power to rest on me.
Like Paul said, I would be a fool to brag of the other things in my life, but bragging about what God has accomplished in me is worthy of being bragged about.
And somehow, in my nervous state, God showed up and usedmy words his words to touch people. A lot of people just said how moving it was for me to share that, but specifically I had a friend who came and grabbed me to share how it felt like I was speaking specifically to them. That's God. God's story of how he can change not only me, but how he can change others.
So what things in your life may not paint the most pretty picture of you, but paints the most perfect picture of God? What things have you overcome with Jesus that could help someone else? Or what shortcomings, sins, weaknesses have you yet to give to God to allow his grace and glory to shine through?
God's grace is sufficient. You need nothing else.
So I'd told Daniel Atkins a couple days ago that I was willing to give a testimony of something God has recently taught me in my life, or my testimony of salvation during our Thursday night Worship Service. Mainly because while my fear was winning, I knew God could still be desiring me to step up and have courage in this moment. So I told Daniel I'd pray about it. I did as soon as I told him that. Then I asked what would it be that God would have me share that he's taught me recently.
And the words poured out of me so quickly. Before I knew it I'd written two pages on the verse 2 Corinthians 12:9.
This verse has become my life verse.
When I was a kid it was a verse I learned in Bible Drill. Is that just a Southern Baptist thing? You have to memorize scripture, references, and books of the Bible, and find them all in 10 seconds or less. This was a verse I had to memorize. When I was a kid though, it didn't make a whole lot of sense. Probably due to the fact we learned everything in KJV, and it's a bunch of large words no kid really understands.
But later on, about the time Unleashed began at Oakwood, this verse began to stand out to me again. In fact during my new hire interview at WMU (where I currently work) to introduce me to our SC churches, I mentioned it was my favorite verse. Since then it keeps just finding it's way into my life. But instead of something I've felt like I've embodied, it's almost been this challenge from God.
Including finding it on this sticker from one of my favorite little shops on Instagram, and of course I bought myself one. But I treasure it so much, I can't figure out where to stick it. It's a $1 sticker. I need to get over myself.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
A few months later, I realized that mask was still on when we had a room full of people share the things God had helped them overcome one night at Unleashed. My pride was winning and I couldn't dare speak the awful things I'd done--even if God had released me from them.
So this was my moment. My moment to boast. God has pulled me out of an addiction to pornography, for almost half my life, and given me the strength where I have none. The times I'd tried to fix this, and rely on my own strength, I failed. I failed miserably. God had pulled me out of this once before, but I became prideful and sinful, and all those desires and addictions came back stronger.
This time, God prompted the heart of a coworker/friend, who challenged me to let God step in. While she gave me some tangible things to do to try and prevent myself from sinning, it gave me the space, the breathing room, I needed to let God step in and begin doing a work in me. I was able to come clean about this with friends and family. When I faced temptation, God gave me clear ways out. I just had to choose His way and not mine.
Just like Paul in that passage still has his thorn, I still have mine. It's still a big temptation. It's just that it seems to have gotten easier and easier to deal with the more I let God be my strength in those moments. When I allow his grace to cover this situation, and his power to rest on me.
Like Paul said, I would be a fool to brag of the other things in my life, but bragging about what God has accomplished in me is worthy of being bragged about.
And somehow, in my nervous state, God showed up and used
So what things in your life may not paint the most pretty picture of you, but paints the most perfect picture of God? What things have you overcome with Jesus that could help someone else? Or what shortcomings, sins, weaknesses have you yet to give to God to allow his grace and glory to shine through?
God's grace is sufficient. You need nothing else.
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